Grief and Loss: Finding Your Way Through the Pain
By Dr. Donna Duffin, Psy.D.
Grief is one of the most profound emotional experiences we go through as human beings. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, infertility, or the loss of a future you once envisioned, grief has a way of touching every part of your life—your thoughts, your body, your relationships, and your sense of self.
In my work as a clinical psychologist, I sit with people in some of their most vulnerable moments. And one of the first things I tell my patients is this:
There is no right or wrong way to grieve.
If you are grieving, whatever you are feeling right now—sadness, anger, confusion, numbness—is valid.
Grief Is Not What People Think It Is
Many people come into therapy believing they should be “further along” in their grief. They worry that something is wrong with them because they are still struggling weeks, months, or even years later.
Let me reassure you:
👉 Grief is not linear.
It doesn’t follow a straight path, and it doesn’t have a clear timeline.
Instead, grief comes in waves.
You may have moments where you feel okay—even hopeful—and then suddenly, something triggers a memory, and the pain comes rushing back.
This is not a setback.
This is the nature of grief.
Part of my work is helping you understand and normalize these waves, so they feel less frightening and more manageable.
The Many Emotions of Grief
Grief is often associated with sadness, but in reality, it is much more complex.
You may feel:
- Deep sadness and longing
- Anger or frustration
- Guilt or regret
- Anxiety about the future
- Numbness or disconnection
Sometimes people tell me, “I don’t even feel anything—I just feel empty.”
That, too, is grief.
In therapy, we create space for all of these emotions—not to fix them or rush them away, but to understand them and allow them to move through you.
The Physical Side of Grief
One thing that often surprises people is how much grief affects the body.
You may notice:
- Exhaustion or low energy
- Trouble sleeping
- Changes in appetite
- Headaches or muscle tension
This is because grief is not just emotional—it is physiological.
Your nervous system is processing loss, and that takes energy.
I often encourage my patients to shift their expectations during this time:
👉 Instead of asking, “Why can’t I function like I used to?”
👉 Ask, “What does my body need right now?”
Sometimes, healing begins with something as simple as rest.
When Grief Feels Isolating
Grief can be incredibly lonely.
Even when you’re surrounded by people, you may feel like no one truly understands what you’re going through.
This is especially true when:
- Others expect you to “move on”
- Your loss isn’t fully recognized
- Your grief looks different from others
I see this often with:
- Infertility and pregnancy loss
- Divorce or relationship endings
- Loss of identity or life direction
In therapy, one of the most important things I offer is validation.
A space where your grief is not minimized, compared, or judged.
Just heard.
The Challenge of Moving Forward
One of the most difficult parts of grief is the idea of moving forward.
Many people struggle with thoughts like:
- “If I start to feel better, am I forgetting them?”
- “Is it wrong to laugh again?”
Let me say this clearly:
👉 Moving forward does not mean letting go.
It means learning how to carry your loss differently.
In our work together, we explore ways to:
- Honor the person or experience you’ve lost
- Keep meaningful connections alive
- Allow yourself to continue living without guilt
Both things can exist at the same time:
Grief and growth. Pain and healing.
Rebuilding Your Sense of Self
Loss often changes how you see yourself and your life.
You may find yourself asking:
- “Who am I now?”
- “What does my life look like from here?”
This is especially true after:
- Losing a loved one
- Divorce
- Infertility
- Major life transitions
Part of the healing process is not going back to who you were—but gently discovering who you are becoming.
This is not about replacing what was lost.
It’s about redefining your life in a way that still honors it.
What I Want You to Know
If you are in the middle of grief right now, I want you to hear this:
- You are not broken
- You are not behind
- You are not grieving “wrong”
You are responding to loss in a deeply human way.
And you don’t have to go through it alone.
Healing Takes Time—and Support
Grief doesn’t disappear—but it does change.
With time, support, and space to process your emotions, the intensity softens. The waves become more manageable. And slowly, life begins to feel possible again.
My role is not to rush your healing—but to walk alongside you as you find your way through it.
To help you:
- Make sense of your emotions
- Develop ways to cope
- Reconnect with yourself and your life
A Final Thought
Grief is a reflection of love, of attachment, of meaning.
It hurts because something mattered deeply.
And while the pain can feel overwhelming, it also holds the possibility for growth, connection, and healing—when you’re ready.
You don’t have to have all the answers right now.
You just have to take the next step.
